Sunday/Monday: The Transition

This always an interesting day of the week for me.  I don’t have to worry about waking up in time for work tomorrow.  I have the day off.  I am so excited for my day off…  This is going to be a relaxing day, playing some games, and reading and going to look at a house!

Yes you heard me right, my dream house is back on the market!  Sure it is R1.9 million, but I had my eyes on it a while ago, and I have just seen today that they are still looking at selling.  The house is in Parkhurst.  It is a modern house with the most amazing layout.  Not what you would call classic, but still, when I looked at it last year, I fell in love with it.  The house is essentially three rooms, of which two are bedrooms.  The main room contains a living area, which leads into what would be a dining area, which leads into the kitchen.  It is absolutely stunning.  I want it.  The fact of the matter though, can I afford it?

I am faced with two different possibilities.  Either I can sell my flat, for about R1 million, or I can rent my place for R8,500 a month and put that towards a bond.  But if i rent, I am going to have to have a second person on board to help me pay for the house.  Should I do it.  I am uncertain.  I could probably get away with a very small bond on the place, but I don’t know…

Anyways, that is making me nervous inside as well, as I originally looked into buying the house with an ex-girlfriend of mine.  Would there be too many memories there if I did buy it?  I don’t think so.  My biggest concern is getting the cash to buy it.

Ah well.

So I haven’t written on this blog for a number of days, but I can tell you that I have been a busy little bee writing on another blog of mine, …Music, Games, Books and DVDs…, a home entertainment blog written in a very informal style.  I like it, hope you do to.  I have put a lot of effort into the blog this weekend, trying to get some of the content up and running so that when people come on Monday morning, there is something for them to read.

I think I have managed to get up some good content in a relatively short space of time.

Go have a read and let me know.

Anyways, Fallout 3 is calling my name, and I can’t stay away, so sleep sweet Jozi..

Farewell and Adieu…

HOT NEWS: New Home Entertainment Blog Up and Running

So, as promised, here is the link to the hottest new home entertainment blog on the whole of the interwebs!  The site is simply entitled …Music, Games, Books and DVDs… The site is as the title says, music, games, books and DVDs are going to be the main focus!  Well, rather than let me talk about its accolades, why don\’t you just head on over and give it a quick read though…  but be kind, there is still not too much content there!

Catch you all on the flipside..

Later!

MAD WORLD: Limbo

I am sitting in my flat, which is now clean, listening to The Final Cut by Pink Floyd.  Now I am not sure how many of you know The Wall (the film not the album, although that is next on my list of things to listen to).  There are two tracks that appear in the film, but not on the album, one of them is When the Tigers Broke Free.  It is a bone chilling album.  But this possibly is not the greatest music to be listening to in the mood I am currently in.  I am stuck in a limbo, with no idea of what to do.  Tomorrow I am going to go into the office, and either things are going to be different or I am going to have to start looking for a new position somewhere.

Let us rewind about 9 hours.  I had it out with my boss today.  I sat him down and explained to him all my concerns and worries that I currently have in my job, the largest being that of the MD.  Well, he backed the MD up all the way, that is until I told him I was on the brink of leaving.  He changed his tack pretty quickly, but I am not sure things will change even now.  He is going to be talking to the MD, but we will see what happens in the future.  Just when I got to the overseas trips part of the conversation we were conveniently interupted and he did mention we would speak about it again, but avoided me for the rest of the day!  I am not sure if I can handle that.

Anyway, I think I am going to start yet another blog, and hopefully I can get all you my loyal readers into reading the blog.  I will post a link to the site as soon as I have it up and running.

Catch you later.

Aha…

MAD WORLD: Ever Been Ignored By The Man That Pays You Salary?

So today I am going to rant, in fact more than that!  Have you ever had a co-worker ignore you.  I have it sucks but you get through it.  You get over it and move on.  It is easy to approach a co-worker and confront them and everything works out at the end of the day.  You’ll either sort your shit out and move on or you’ll continue to ignore each other and move on.  Now what happens when the co-worker happens to be your MD.  I’ll paint you a picture quickly:

‘You walk into the office, it’s just like any other day.  Traffic was crazy, you feel a little frazzled, and all you want to do is sit down with a cup of coffee, check you mail and clam down a little before getting stuck into your job at hand (which I have to mention is the best job I have ever had; I’ve been here nearly nine months and I haven’t wanted to quit due to boredom yet).  The MD walks in about 45 mins after you arrive (and you were already late), but this is fine, he is the boss after all, and what would it be if you didn’t have some perks.  He has just parked his shiny expensive car downstairs and casually walked into the office with a smile on his face greeting everyone with a friendly “Good Morning” and a smile.  Then he glances in your direction, and you try in your best and strongest voice with a beaming smile on you face “Good Morning Mr MD”, only to have him look away immediately and ignore you greetings.

‘How would that make anyone normal empathetic person feel.  Like the dog shit on the bottom of your shoe after walking in the park.  So you think to yourself, maybe he is just having an off day.  Maybe it is him.  But then you cast your mind back to the past 9 months and the fear and terror you have lived in whenever he steps into a room that you happen to be in.  The nerves start to fire and you “fight or flight” response kicks in.  You think to yourself: “Why am I having the reaction to him?”  Everyone I speak to tells me what a soft and gentle man he is, and that yes he might have some trust issues, but don’t worry, things are going to be ok, you just need to prove yourself to him.  How fucking long do I have to prove myself to him.  New people have come into the office since I have been here and he jokes with them all.  He talks to them like a human being, not like a sub serviant slave.

‘I now know how slaves and other lower caste people must have felt during the Roman and Greek times.  Every time I see the MD, I want to crawl under my desk to escape the stare he throws in my direction.  I heard a saying the other night: “Even Medusa wants he stare back..”  He doesn’t trust me, he doesn’t see the value in the work that do, he doesn’t believe I am adding any value to this company.  I might as well leave considering everything.’

And you know; that is exactly what I am thinking right now.  I don’t need to put up with his shit and constant self doubt I live in.  Either I need to approach him and ask him what I have done to offend him, but I think I have a pretty good idea.  The person I took over from was the apple of his eye.  This person could do no wrong.  Now here is the demise of my career at this company.  Let me outline it in bullet form in chronological order:

• During my initial interview with the company, I never understood his position at the company properly, so I focused on the person asking me the questions.  He threw in two or three well asked questions, which threw me a little, but I answered them to the best of my ability and correctly in hindsight.  But I could see from that moment, there was distrust in his demeanor to me!
• I might have had a a small nervous breakdown last year, and me thinking that honesty is always the best option, I told my direct boss about this event.  I felt he needed to know, in case I was hospitalised for any reason.  My boss asked if he could tell the MD and I thought to myself that this would be a good idea.  Maybe this distrust would disappear now that I am entrusting him with a serious part of my life. HA! It merely caused the distrust to increase in severity and I needed to work harder at it now.
• I started flapping towards the end of last year, and slipped a little in my reporting, but nothing major and I caught it all up! But no this made it worse.
• Last week I might have organised an event to help some other people in the office out.  Apparently that is not the way it is done here, but I was never told otherwise.  I placed the blame on myself, but had I known what the concequences were going to be, I would have denied it all.
• And now, I have no idea… I thought I was breaking through the icy, cold exterior of this man, but alas, no luck!

The past two weeks have been hell.  Everytime I walk past him and smile, or say hello, I get nothing back, no smile, no nod of the head, nothing.  I will ask him a question in the hallways, only to be dismissed with short answer and a wave of dismissal.  It is even worse when I step into his office, the withering look I receive everytime makes me want to back down and leave without asking the question.  Then again, I try and show interest and willing to learn only to be dismissed again!

Now I am a reasonably self confident individual, and I have no issues with my self image.  But he manages to destroy it every single time I come close to him.  I am over it.  I am sick and tired of being treated like a piece of shit!  Well, today topped it off.  I am officially looking for a new job.  Unless something drastic changes in the next few weeks, this company will be losing my skills and passion, as much as I would hate to leave!

“Shit Happens, it’s how you deal with it!”  Never ran truer in this situation, and you know what…  Time to run me thinks…

Until the next gripping episode of MAD WORLD, Farewell and Adieu…

MAD WORLD: Monday Morning Blues

Have you ever noticed how long it takes you to get into the work mode on a Monday morning?  Well that and the fact that Monday’s really do fly?  Been at work for close on 2 hours already, and what have I managed to accomplish?  Not much…  Read the weekends e-mails, made a cup of coffee, and had a few smokes.  But to tell you the truth, I don’t really have any desire to work today.  But I know that I need to.

But on a completely different topic, I am a bit of a gamer.  Well, more than your average, considering I own two consoles and a Mac to game on.  Anyway, that is beside the point entirely!  I was browsing the web today, and came across an awesome blog.  The author, clearly a journalists of some kind, has made it his mission in life to absolutely destroy everything hardcore gamers stand for.  My kind of guy.  He writes the best rants on how gamers are spoilt in South Africa, and they must really just grow up and live in reality!  The site is Joe Hammer.  This man is a genius.

So I downloaded a game off the PSN the other night.  Something I have wanted to see for ages really!  FLOWER…  This game is one of the most beautiful games I have ever seen, even if the concept is super simple…  Basically you are the wind and you blow a petal into flowers to collect other petals!  Sound boring, trust me, I have hardly had a chance to play as my flatmate, a complete non gamer, has commendeered my PS3 and is addicted!  She loves it!  Put it this way, knowing that she is not a gamer, I went out for coffee yesterday expecting her to play for 10 minutes and get bored!  I arrived home 2 and a half hours later to find her sitting in the dark gripping the control..  Addict… Me thinks so!  This game is available on PSN for a small fee, and is about a 750MB download!

Anyways, time to get cracking and get these PR Plans down for the year!  Gotta present later on today…  But you know what, I think a smoke is in order first!

Farewell and Adieu

MAD WORLD: Restlessness, Back to School Blues Looming!

Back to school blues, the worst kind there is!  Sitting here watching Gossip Girl, and making some decisions in my mind.  It has been a crazy mad afternoon.

I have a friend back, but not a relationship as I was hoping, but in time that will come I think.  But I am all confused now.  I mean, I know the common saying, don’t shit where you eat, and that is a statement that I abide to all the time after some mistakes in the past, but I have a really close relationship with my roommate…  No no, not like that.  But I just wonder what would happen should someone special come into my life?  Would she get pissed off?  Would she get upset and want to leave.  I am super confused right now.  I have a little bit of turmoil boiling up inside of me.

I want someone special back in my life.  Last night awoke inside of me a sleeping dragon that I am not sure that I can quell?  I opened up something inside that needs feeding again.  Now I will be the first to admit, sometimes I get over emotional and I over analyse things.  I build things up to the point that I am often disappointed by the outcome.  I hope for my sake that this does not happen this time.  I hope that I can remain cool, calm and collected no matter what the outcome of this situation is.  I have been smsing said person today, but I have yet to receive a response.  I have received some phone calls from her, but I have not got an sms back from her.

Already I am wondering if this is all going to work out?  But I do know this much.  She was my best friend 9 years ago.  What is stopping us now from making it so again.  And they always say, your significant other should be your best friend.

I don’t know what is happening tonight.  Admitedly it is late, I am tired, and once again as always, jacked up on nicotine and caffeine.  Maybe that should become my new start to the blog.  Nicotine and Caffeine: An Addicts Best Friend.  The two legal drugs that have a grip like a bear on even the strongest.  I think also I have become a little paranoid since last nights party.  You know resin soaked space cakes aren’t good for an addict.  Am I slowly slipping back into my ways?  Am I becoming the person I was.  NO!  I will never be that person that I was.  I know I have a problem with the nicotine, I have tried to stop but nothing I do allows me to give up.  I have tried numerous times to kick the habit; no not habit, addiction.  But alas, nothing works.  Caffeine on the other hand.  My body craves the amount of caffeine I have on a daily basis.  Todays count: 1 cup of instant, 2 double espresso’s, 1 cappachino, and a pot of filter.  And today is an easy day.  Not to forget the two Red Bull’s I have consumed as well.

Should I worry, I think so, but you know what.  Life is too short not to have a couple of vices!

So I really think it is time to go to bed and try and get a decent nights sleep, but you know what, I wish I had a certain someone in my arms!  Life is difficult, according to M. Scott Peck.  I know life is difficult, but as my mom said to me today: “Shit happens, it’s how you deal with it!”

On the upside, I have really made some inroads into relationships around me.  I had the best day with my mom today.  We went for lunch and spoke so much shit for hours.  And it was GREAT!

But really, it is bedtime, it is time to go and put these tired eyes to sleep, if my over active brain will allow it!

Farewell and Adieu.

MAD WORLD: Lazy Sundays

Don’t you find Sundays to be one of the most amazing days of the week?  I mean I know that the back to school blues is going to hit me around 5, 6 o’clock, but still.  Sundays are made to be lazy.  There is no point in missioning around on a Sunday like a blue arsed fly.  Sundays are made for lying in the Rose Garden, or having a lazy 3 hour lunch with loved ones.  Sundays in my opinion are the BOMB DIGGITY!  Sundays are the day that your body truly gets a chance to relax and chill out.  Think about it; Saturdays are a day where you went out the night before.  You still feeling the stress of the week and you might or might not be nursing a hangover of some sorts, whether it be alcohol, nicotine or caffeine (the latter two in my case).  Saturday nights are made for a party party (or in some cases DISCO DISCO).  You wake up on a Sunday morning, climb out of bed, put on a pot of coffee, sneak outside for a morning cigarette, and contemplate just what happened the night before!  In my case, a whole lot.

So I woke up this morning and climbed out of bed, put on a pot of coffee, snuck outside for a morning cigarette, and contemplated what exactly had happened last night.  I thought to myself: “Did last night actually happen?  Did I kiss an amazing girl?  Am I ready for a relationship?  Is this what I want?”  I sent a message and just said, if you keen, I am keen…  Left it open..  Well, I am going for coffee sometime this afternoon and we shall see what the outcome is.  I’ll be sure to post the result later.

So I bumbled around the flat for a little comtemplating my navel as one does on a Sunday morning.  And I made my mind up, lunch with me mum it was.  Found a stunning little restaurant in the neighbourhood, and had an awesome lazy lunch (for a full review of the restaurant, have a look at one of my other blogs, http://finediningsa.wordpress.com).  Life is interesting…

Now I am waiting…

Farewell and Adieu

MAD WORLD: New Horizons?

After the ex-girlfriend and I broke it off last year and I had fnished with my nervous breakdown, I vowed to myself the following:

1. No more letting somebody into my life
2. Time to focus on the career

Well, tonight that all kind of changed!  I went through to a good friend of mines birthday.  He had decided to put a wild boar on the spit and invite a whole bunch of his mates round.  Well I thought to myself, being a slightly antisocial person, let me go along and try and have a good time.  Well, did I have a good time.  I saw a person, a friend, more than a friend, a person I loved 9 years ago there.  But I haven’t seen this girl for about 5 years now.  Now it was a slightly strange situation back then.  I was messed up during that period of my life, and even though we made out a few times, things never really progressed further than that…  There was always an attraction, but for some reason we never really decided to act on our impulses.

But tonight was different.  The moment I saw this girl, my heart started to beat a little faster.  There was no one else in the room for me.  The people i was “interested” in no longer existed.  I was focused.  Even now, I have this slight flutter in my heart, and I smile everytime I think about what happened this evening.  Well, lets start from the top.

So we got chatting and it was as though it had been 5 years since we last spoke/saw each other, it was as though nothing had ever changed.  It was old times.  She was trying to act hardcore around all the boys she knew back then, but I had to laugh to myself (well out loud in fact), as this was not the girl I knew, and she isn’t that girl.  She is one of the sweetest, kind hearted people I have ever met.  She is amazing.  I had to think to myself, what the hell happened.  Why didn’t you act on this years ago.

As the evening progressed, we become more intertwined with one another, getting closer and closer.  Eventually… The kiss came.  Now I know I sound like an emotional pubesant now, but wow, that kiss is everything I remember from all those years back.  So we got chatting more seriously now.  Things got to the point where I might have said that I really REALLY liked her, in fact still loved her after all these years.  We carried on kissing, but eventually, she tried to talk me out of what I had said..  What had I said?  Well, I might have asked her out officially, and asked if we could make this a little more permanant.

Well that is probably not the kind of thing you say to a girl that you have just kissed for the first time (well, not the FIRST time, but the first time in years in our case) but you knwo what… I let down all my guards and decided to let somebody back into my life…

We decided that we would sleep on the decision and wake up tomorrow and chat to one another, and make a more informed decision from there.  I know what my answer tomorrow morning is going to be.  I want this person in my life, in a more serious way!  I mean I will love her regardless of what her decision tomorrow is, and she will ALWAYS be my friend, but I am really hoping that we can make some kind of a go of this, whatever this is.  Hopefully we can make something come of this.  But is it seriously that simple?  REALLY?

I do feel that it is.  I feel that this is the person I want in my life right now.  This is the person I want to share my ups and downs with.  This is the person I want right now.

Well, I’ll update you tomorrow as to the outcome of this situation!

Farewell and adieu..

MAD WORLD: Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

So I guess this is my all nighter again this week.  Seems as though I have one every week.  In all fairness I have had about an hour and a half sleep, but I awoke to a phone call from a friend reaching out.

You know that I have in my past writings mentioned that I received the worst news possible, well, basically, that news was that I friend of mine was raped.

Now this is horrifying news for most people to hear, and this is possibly the most disturbing news for me, and I feel that it definitely gets to be put onto the MAD WORLD blog.  Who would actually force themselves upon someone in such a way that they break the person potentially for life.  I have just been trying to console said friend for the past 2 hours.  It is disgusting and it outrages me that such things still happen in the world.

This person is a good person.  She would go to the end of the earth for her family and friends.  She would take a bullet for an person.  And now this has come along and ruined her self confidence, her bubbly personality, and most of all, crushed her soul.  I feel for her.

The world we live in has had rape and pillage happening for the past 3,000 years.  But that still does not make it right.  Just because our forefathers did it, it doesn’t mean we can.  It was wrong then and by god, it is still fucking wrong now.  It makes me so uptight every single time I think about it.  All I want to do is go over to that rapists house, let the world know what he did, and castrate him.  He is not a real man..  Real men don’t rape!

Now I know it is 03h30 in the morning and that I have jsut seen this person so I might be a little more uptight than usual, but still, my heart breaks everytime I think about her.  I can only imagine what is going on inside her.  I can only imagine the pain and fear she is feeling.  I just wish there was someway that I could take her hurt and put it on myself.

Now I am going to do everything in my power to try and change the world.  One person can make a difference.  I remember a film I saw many years ago, but it definitely made an impact on my life.  Pay It Forward. How many of you remember that film.  Brief synopsis: teacher at school give the class a project and this little boy comes up with a theory that if you help 3 people in your life, and those 3 people then make an impact on 3 others lives and so on and so forth, the world would change.

Small changes will make a difference

A friend of mine, similar to me in my views, will stand by me in this one.  So think, 2 of us start, helping a total of 6 people…  That is 6 people that are better for it.  They then help another 3 each…  You can kinda get where I am going with this, and at this time of the morning, my Maths is not fantastic!  Come people let change the world!  Together we can all make a difference.  Together we can change this crazy world we live in.  Together we can make tomorrow a better place for our children.

But this brings me to a rather pertinant point.  Are there good people and evil people or are there only good people, some that do evil things?  I like to think that everyone is inately good.  Sometimes they just make the wrong decision.  The rapist for example.  I think he just made a stupid choice at that point.  I don’t think he is evil.  Now for my friend to grow and prosper again inside, and become the loving, caring, confident soul she once was, I feel strongly that she needs to forgive this person.  It is not going to happen over night.  This I realise, but at the same time I also realise that she needs to forgive.  And the first person she needs to forgive; herself!  She is blaming herself and saying it is her fault that she got raped and that it was stupidity that led to the situation.  The moment she can forgive herself, she will be able to move on and slowly over time forgive, the prick that did it to her.

But I digressed a little.  Good vs. Evil.  Right vs. Wrong.  I would be interested to see what you have to say about this.  So let me know in some comments.  Maybe we can get a discussion going here.  Invite your friends, invite your family, invite the stranger on the street, but let me know.

Right, its 03h45 and time for me to do other things.  Maybe I will right more, I have so much on my mind at the moment, but I would rather keep the entries short.

So until 10 minutes time, farewell and adieu.  Sleep well and sweet dreams!

MAD WORLD: The Lingering Effect of Dreams

So last night was a weird one for me. After I finished up writing on this blog, I was in the process of downloading a 1.3Gig file for work, which was not needed in the end, so there goes 1.3 Gigs of valuable bandwidth. So I decided to wait up and try and get some quality time in with my TV. I have to tell you there is not a great deal of quality television on at midnight, but I managed to find something to watch, that being Really Big Things. Anyway, about half way through the show, I fell asleep on the sofa, and woke up this morning, but my dreams we really disturbed and bordering on nightmares!

I was stuck into this dream where there was love, death and a bit of everything. But the two main themes of the dream were love and death. Now I very rarely remember my dreams. I am usually the kind of person that wakes and forgets their dreams instantaneously. Today was different, however. Today I remember, and it has really upset me. The last time I had this feeling was the day my grandfather passed away. Now I am not crazy, but I am superstitious. I do believe that feelings like this can be extrapolated into ones general life. I am not sure if there is going to be a death in the family today, but I feel as though there is something wrong!

But going on about dreams lingering, and I would love to get some peoples feedback here: do you have lingering dreams, and if so are they generally after disturbing dreams?

Dreams are amazing things, but I would love to do more research into them. I would like to find out what they truly represent, and why people have them..

Hopefully I will be able to have an answer by tomorrow on this.

Until next time, farewell and adieu.